I know I went through a bit of an identity crisis with the name of this blog. But, now I think it's time that my profile name become something other than "justme" which is the google default name. As I mentioned in the previous entry, names are not easy for me and I've been pondering this issue for several days. Many people choose names that represent something about themselves. But, people have many sides and I couldn't think of something that was significant enough to represent me. I spent many, many years of my life being known as someone's mother and I considered now being Seamus' Mom (that's my dog) and while that's true, I'd like to be more than that. So in the end I went with the sort of vanilla Ms. N. The Ms. part was a conscious choice. I usually choose the Mrs. title since I AM a Mrs. But these writings seem to represent the Ms. in me. I don't mean that in a woman's rights kind of way but in an individual person kind of way. I know it's not the most individual name, but at least it is one that I actively choose instead of one that I ended up with for lack of a decision.
Oddly enough, the only name I remember choosing without a struggle was the name of my imaginary friend when I was a child. Her name was Mary Lou. I was the youngest in my family by many years so I grew up in a house of adults and near adults and spent a lot of alone time. At some point, as children in this situation often do, I adopted an imaginary friend to keep me company. My sister was introduced to her one day after school. She walked in the front door as she always did and the door closed as always, but I reacted with an exclamation of "You shut the door on Mary Lou!!" My mother had to provide her with an explanation. I even subjected my family to a birthday party for Mary Lou complete with cake and candles and a place set for her. I remember my dad asking my mother with concern if I was "all right". I know he was referring to my mental state. My mother covered for me saying that it was just a phase. I think I must have learned to believe the best of a situation from her. She was right, of course. Mary Lou no longer lives with me. I have to admit, though that I DO talk to myself and Seamus when I'm here alone. That's normal, right?