Thursday, June 2, 2011

How Do People See Me?

So often we portray a different image to others than we think we do.  I would have described my high school self as quiet and reserved, somewhat out of the main social stream, but social enough in small groups.  Years later I had contact with a man who had been in several classes with me and lived across the street from me for a short time with his girlfriends family.  He felt that I had a rather sharp tongue that sort of kept people away.  In my defense, I think this was a sort of coping mechanism for times when I felt inadequate to the situation, but apparently it had, at least to him, a negative effect. 

In later years I've often used sarcasm as a substitute for direct confrontation feeling that the indirect approach was a bit easier.  And for some reason when I've stated my feelings straight up they havn't been heard.  Am I not direct enough?  Sincere enough?  Convincing enough?  Sadly, my fall back position has always been to say nothing and just keep it all to myself.  Of course, this doesn't work either, just leading to a lot of internal stress, dissatisfaction, and sadness.  In the end I often sacrifice what I would like for what causes the least confrontation I spend a lot of time trying to make everyone happy.

I'm feeling this more this week since we are coming up on the wedding of son #2.  Everyone seems to have an agenda: where to be, what to eat, when to meet, what's to happen at a given portion of the event.  He is my first child to marry and I've truly had little time to reflect on the event itself.  But, we will pass seamlessly into a new chapter of life and readjust accordingly.  He called last night to ask me what song I wanted to dance to with him at the reception.  I choose Bob Dylan, Forever Young. I know, not the easiest to dance to, but it says what I wish I had the chance to say to him.

"Forever Young"

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

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