Martin Clunes Teaches Me About Good Looks

We hear so much about inner and outer beauty and the relative value of each.  Our recent "Doc Martin" marathon gave me new perspective on appearance.  During the very first episodes of the series that we watched, I commented to my husband that Martin Clunes was particularly unattractive.(Hang with me here....be sure to read the rest of this comment before getting upset with that opinion, please.)  As you may know, he plays a doctor with a particularly sour personality and is frequently frowning.  On the rare occasion during the series when he was happy, usually when with Louisa, his love interest, he would smile briefly and you would get a glimpse of a totally transformed appearance.  Next we watched the Doc Martin movies, which although they have the same name, really are NOT the same story.  This character has a more normal range of emotions.  His brow is not constantly knit into a frown and he frequently smiles with both his mouth AND his eyes.  Suddenly Martin Clunes' looks were greatly improved!  He no longer looked unattractive.  You tended to focus on the positive  attributes of his appearance.  I'm convinced that the eyes were the key.  His smile included all parts of his face when playing this character.  So, my conclusion (besides admiring this actors ability to totally transform himself based on the character he is playing) is that looks are greatly improved by positive attitude.  A genuine smile is attractive on any face.  And a scowl is unattractive on any face.

So then, perhaps inner beauty is in fact reflected outwardly.  And a smile is a whole lot less expensive than cosmetics and surgery.  Thanks for the insight, Martin!

My Bald Headed Friend

I like to feed the birds in our yard.  We have quite a few feeders on several sides of the house as well as two on the second floor.  Even the husband has gotten into the bird watching.  He has a feeder in his office window and enjoys watching the birds during his work day. 

About a month ago an unusual bird showed up at the feeder in my sewing room.  I get a nice close view of birds at this feeder since in sits right on the window ledge.  At first her appearance was alarming!  I thought it was a new type of bird that I had never seen before.  But then, as I looked closer I realized it was a female cardinal.....with NO feathers on her head.  Completely bald.  She looked like a miniature vulture.  I immediately felt sorry for her!  I have no idea why she is bald or if she will always be bald. (Although, thanks to the wonders of internet search I've discovered that it isn't a particularly serious condition)  She seems healthy and I think she had young to feed this year.  And a male cardinal is often around with her, so she isn't shunned by the other birds.  She seems to chirp happily and appears to be a well adjusted, though odd looking creature.  I guess birds don't have self image problems and really don't care much about how they look.  We could learn a lot from that. 

Here's the best picture that I could catch through the window.  It's taken through the slats of the blind, when she was just starting to fly away, but I think you can get an idea of her strange look.

I'm glad that she seems happy and well adjusted but I still find myself wanting to fashion a wig for her.

The Comfort of Old Things

We just bought a "new to us" car.  It's a 2008 model with only 20,000 miles and six months of the original bumper to bumper warranty remaining.  All told it was a great buy as any good used car can be.  But beyond the economics of it, I like the comfort of driving a used car.  There is no concern about being the first to ruin the perfect condition of the paint or to be the first to spill something because chances are, someone has already done that.  Don't get me wrong.  This car is in very good condition but somehow it feels more comfortable to allow my dog to ride in the back or to park next to other cars in a busy parking lot. 

I think this feeling of comfort extends to other old things, too.  I like to dress up in nice clothes, but I also like to pull on my old jeans and tee shirt and not worry if I splatter something on me or if I get dirt on my knees when kneeling down and do some spontaneous weeding.  There are many acceptable appearances for old or used but only one for brand new.  Maybe it would be good to extend this observation to ourselves.  Perhaps instead of trying to maintain that "new" look as we age, we should just embrace the comfort of our aged looks. Other cultures do this and it seems we might be healthier to follow suit.  That being said,  I'm a LONG way from going out in public without my makeup.  Really, now, a girl needs her limits. 

The Internet Ages With Us

Just last year I was a "googlenope" when serched for by my birth name in quotes.  This means that Google came up with no hits on my first and madian names occuring in order.  That wasn't totally surprising since both names were uncommon and the internet didn't exist when I used that name.  Interestingly, though, my name is now searchable.  I don't use it anymore and am not creating any new records but older school yearbooks and documentation is slowly being stored online so that now I must give up my googlenope status.

Old Person Alert

I don't feel old yet.  In fact, sometimes I think the very core of who we are is very similar throughout the years.  There are parts of me that feel like the same person I was in high school.  I'm not so sure that is a good thing, but that's how it seems.  But, I guess I'm seen as older than I think I feel.....

A few weeks ago I had some help here cleaning the house.  When I came down the hardwood steps, the woman was cleaning the hardwood floor at the bottom.  She said with alarm, "Be careful!  The floor is wet!  I always worry when old people walk on a wet floor!"  Boy, did that one hit me.  She thought I was old!  I thought we were peers!  Wow.

Then, a few days ago I had my glasses off to read something.  I went to move on to the next task and couldn't find my glasses.  I looked all around where I was sitting without success.  So, I decided to walk into the bathroom and put my contacts in.  When I looked in the mirror, there were my glasses - on top of my head!!

Maybe the cleaning lady was right. 

The Diet Blahs

It's time that I write about my dieting again.....which is sort of boring even to me.  On the good side, I'm not gaining weight.  On the bad side...I'm not sure that I'm still losing.  If I am, it is incredibly slow; too slow to be motivating.  I'm a fan of slow weight loss.  I truly believe that the best way to lose weight is through lifestyle changes and that it takes time for those changes to become established and add up to pounds lost.  And I know that I've made significant improvement in my overall health over the past 10 months.  But when I look in the mirror, particularly when I try on clothes, I see an overweight body.  Now, let me just say that I've always wondered why I look bigger in the dressing room.  It's as if those mirrors are from the carnival house and you would think that a dressing room would want you to look better, not worse.

I've read over some old posts about my dieting (and this, in truth was one of the reasons I started to blog...to have an account of this journey) and I was reminded about a few things.  I mentioned early on that 100 calories a day will equal 1 pound a month.  I think I've forgotten the importance of saying no to the "little nibble".   At first I reminded myself to only eat if I'm hungry.  That may sound basic, but sometimes I get so caught up in eating my 2 fruits or 2 vegetables that I forget that if I'm not hungry, just skip them.  If I AM hungry - go for the healthy food.  But even healthy food eaten when your not hungry is unhealthy.  I also need to get better about throwing food away.  We tend to accumulate leftovers and I somehow feel obligated to eat them.  The problem isn't the calories.  I don't overeat on leftovers, but it leaves me eating the same thing for days in a row which makes me want to add variety with something unhealthy.  I freeze what I can, but I have a hard time throwing perfectly good food away just because I don't want it.  I really need to get over that, but that is a pretty deep seated practice established when I was growing up and reinforced during my "poor days".  It's an area where I need to find balance.

So, I'm holding at 135 with an occasional reading of 134.  This is on my new scale, so if I was to compare that to the old readings, I would be right around the 131/130 area.  I'm only a few pounds from my original goal and I would love to get there by the year's end.  Realistically, we have the holidays sitting in the way and the winter season tends to be more sedentary, but I think if I keep just a few basics in mind, I can stay on track.

Disappointment

I think disappointment is perhaps the hardest thing in life to deal with.  And maybe (although I haven't thought this through) many other issues could be subcategories of disappointment.  For instance: when a loved one dies, we are disappointed that our relationship with them has ended; when we gain weight (and no, that is not the inspiration for this post) we are disappointed that we no longer look and feel as we once did; ditto for when we realize that we are growing old; or when something we make does not turn out as nice as we envisioned; or when we are not chosen for a job, or rejected by a friend.  And it starts with the little disappointments in life like when a parent promises a trip to the store but then has to cancel due to a work obligation or when we anticipate a visit from someone who either comes late or stands us up. And it seems that even as we get over the little disappointments, they leave behind a hole and each subsequent disappointment, big or small, makes the hole bigger until we dread any disappointment at all because it causes a disproportionate bad feeling that is really the cumulative hurt from many disappointments.

And maybe you (those mythical "you" who don't really seem to be there) are thinking, "Oh, please....just deal with it".  And indeed I try and most of the times I succeed, but this time I feel particularly worn down, this time the disappointment seems bigger, deeper, greater and harder to move on from.  It makes me want to hide my head in the sand in an attempt to prevent any other disappointments.

How Do People See Me?

So often we portray a different image to others than we think we do.  I would have described my high school self as quiet and reserved, somewhat out of the main social stream, but social enough in small groups.  Years later I had contact with a man who had been in several classes with me and lived across the street from me for a short time with his girlfriends family.  He felt that I had a rather sharp tongue that sort of kept people away.  In my defense, I think this was a sort of coping mechanism for times when I felt inadequate to the situation, but apparently it had, at least to him, a negative effect. 

In later years I've often used sarcasm as a substitute for direct confrontation feeling that the indirect approach was a bit easier.  And for some reason when I've stated my feelings straight up they havn't been heard.  Am I not direct enough?  Sincere enough?  Convincing enough?  Sadly, my fall back position has always been to say nothing and just keep it all to myself.  Of course, this doesn't work either, just leading to a lot of internal stress, dissatisfaction, and sadness.  In the end I often sacrifice what I would like for what causes the least confrontation I spend a lot of time trying to make everyone happy.

I'm feeling this more this week since we are coming up on the wedding of son #2.  Everyone seems to have an agenda: where to be, what to eat, when to meet, what's to happen at a given portion of the event.  He is my first child to marry and I've truly had little time to reflect on the event itself.  But, we will pass seamlessly into a new chapter of life and readjust accordingly.  He called last night to ask me what song I wanted to dance to with him at the reception.  I choose Bob Dylan, Forever Young. I know, not the easiest to dance to, but it says what I wish I had the chance to say to him.

"Forever Young"

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

Life's Reality Check

Every so often the circumstances of life offer us perspective and the opportunity to reset our view of our own life - to balance it you might say.

My husband and I have been flooded with those little signs that remind you that you are advancing in age.  Body parts ache, memories dull, the doctor and drug store become numbers on your speed dial.  But yesterday we had the chance to see just how old we aren't.  We were on our way home from a trip to Costco and had decided to take the long way around our block to check the mail.  We happened upon an elderly couple, both with walkers.  The man was on the ground and the wife was trying to problem solve how to help him up.  We stopped and provided assistance walking the gentleman back to his porch.  He really only wanted help to stand up but he was clearly in need of some additional assistance for safety.  I would have preferred to see him into the house, but the porch was as far as he would allow.  He had wanted to walk to the mailbox (across the street and about fifty feet down from his home property), lost his balance on the way and ended up "turtled" on the ground.

I'm a firm believer that helping people in such situations deserves no reward.  But this episode carried with it a reward that might possibly come under the "priceless" category for us.  On the way back to the car I commented, "Don't you feel young now?"  And it was the truth.  We felt young, capable, and useful in a way we hadn't for a long time.  I'm sorry that it came at the discomfort of another and I truly hope that this gentleman is doing well now.  Lesson learned - we have lots of good years ahead dispite the changes we see happening to us physically every day.

Searching for THE Dress

I finally found my "mother of the groom" dress for an upcoming wedding.  This is so tied in with my weight and self image issues that it's hard to separate the two.  We've already established that I live most of my life socially invisible, but for a wedding your fashion choices and looks become immortalized in photos that will live on even after you're long gone.  While I continue to try to get my weight down, the reality of the situation is that my appearance will be much the same as what it is now.  So that leaves me with choosing the most flattering choice I can.  My goal has been sort of classic and understated.  I found a nice dress this weekend with a matching jacket that fills those qualifications.  My only concern is the lack of sleeves in the dress, but for pictures at least I'll have the jacket on.  It's a sliver/grey color which I also like.  Sizing continues to be a mystery to me.  I had to go up two sizes in the dress to have the right fit at the hips but will have to have the shoulder area altered to fit properly.  I was starting to think that I was even bigger than I imagined when I tried on a pair of pants.  These, in a size smaller than the dress, fit fine at the hips and are way big at the waist.  My husband encouraged me to also have these altered to fit properly.  I'm not as sure about them as him, but I got one pair and will see what happens with the alterations.

So, now the search for shoes begins.  At least shoe sizes don't make me feel bad about my size!